Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
