Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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