Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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