He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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