I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
