Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how can u be prego again
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize