did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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