so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
