Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
