So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
