I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
