He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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