He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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