Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
