Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
