Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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