Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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