I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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