my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
