I'm drive I can fine osifer
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
