apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
