We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize