listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
