I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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