he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
