Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
