Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize