My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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