you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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