Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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