I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
