Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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