are you still at the devil's house?
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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