I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
