i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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