So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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