he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
