Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dicks are not precious.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
