So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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