sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
