the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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