yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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