We won't sleep together?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
