Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the condom got lost in my hair
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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