I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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