Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
