he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
