New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize