but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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