no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
