imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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