I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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