He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
