Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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