thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
