We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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