we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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