girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
