Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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