got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
