Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
