dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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