I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
