i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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