Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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