My cat gives me a boner
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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